Could you guys check my grammar please? :D

Question

Dear Mr.John,
Thank you for your time and reviewing my proposal ,
I just called Mr.Nikkin's office via  021 2002xxx and left a message. Apparently the reception is on vacation till 9th Nov. 

I was also wondering if we can meet for a coffee to get more feedback about our product at your most convenient time and location?

Answer 1

سلام - در پایان جمله ی اول بجای ویرگول، نقطه بگذارید. در جمله ی دوم قبل از کلمه ی message , ضمیر him را بگنجانید.در جمله سوم، فکر کنم با توجه به till , باید از will be بجای is استفاده فرمایید. در جمله ی آخر هم با توجه به I was wondering ، فکر کنم باید بجای can از could استفاده فرمایید.

Comments

You mean:

Dear Mr.John, 
Thank you for your time and reviewing my proposal. 
I just called Mr.Nikkin's office via  021 2002xxx and left him a message. Apparently the reception will be/is on vacation till 9th Nov. 

Could we meet for a coffee to get more feedback about our product at your most convenient time and location?

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Thank you dear Behrouz, and thank you dear Arash for compiling the comments into it

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You could also say:' Thanks for taking time reviewing my proposal.

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Dear Mr.Arash,

Yr 1st & 2nd sentences are OK.In 3rd sentence I mean,will be on leave without /is.Also in the last sentence I mean : I was wondering if we could meet........ and with a نقطه at the end of the sentence instead of علامت سوال.